Episode 4: Yvette and Her Measure of Success

In my weekly mom’s group at church, we were on the topic of Proverbs 31, and I wanted to share it with you!

A Mother’s Advice

Proverbs 31 is a mother’s advice to her son. We so often focus on verses 10 onward in this chapter, but in 1-9, we see a mother sharing with her son attributes he should be looking for in a future wife. In fact, in Jewish culture, men sing these attributes over the women in their lives as a blessing to them. It’s not a checklist. It’s a beautiful, encouraging passage of what a godly woman looks like.

Not Having to Be It All

It’s important to note that the Proverbs 31 woman is not all of those qualities at once. There are different seasons where each attribute is applicable. For example, in verse 16, it talks about her planting a vineyard, and she obviously isn’t doing that all the time. It’s for a season.

It’s unrealistic and unattainable to be all the qualities at all times. Know that we can be her in different seasons, tapping into each of those attributes.

Success as a Wife and Mom

Yvette the wife. Yvette the mom. Yvette the daughter. Yvette the friend. I picture what each of these parts of myself is supposed to be. We have ideals for ourselves in each role we hold. What does it look like to be successful as a wife and mom? The women in our group shared that they would love to be a mom that feeds their children healthy meals and speaks to them in a soft, gentle tone. Success can look like resting so we can show up and serve well.

Do you feel successful? I do not in and of myself. Perfection, health issues, mindset, fear of judgement, etc, makes us feel like we’re being kept from being successful.

My Story

I’m a middle child and the only girl in my family of origin. Growing up, I was a goal setter and a goal crusher. As a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher. My parents always encouraged me to work towards my goals. When I was in high school, I got a B, and it was a big deal because I was a straight A student. My dad asked where that came from. But I got to this point where I wondered why I was doing this straight A thing to begin with. It became part of my identity – this girl who set to achieve and did.

I became a teacher and a leader in my school. I achieved everything I ever set my mind to…and then I married Glen.

Glen is a creative and at the time, was making $500 a month at an after school program. What attracted me to him was his love for Christ. My “type” was Will Smith. My husband was nothing like Will. At the time, my husband had dreads and a long beard, and this confidence about him (aka the “Baltimore Swag”). I always imagined marrying someone who got dressed up for work, and even my parents were shocked when I brought him home because he wasn’t what we’d all pictured. But they also knew that there must be something really special about him.

When Uriah was born, my husband stopped working and became a stay-at-home parent. He had a rough time, which is how Beleaf in Fatherhood was born. I would come home and see that the house was a mess and the kids were still in their PJs. I had this vision of what being a stay-at-home parent looked like, and this was not exactly what I had in mind.

Fast Forward to after Anaya was born, I became the stay-at-home parent. I had this whole internal battle of whether or not I wanted to be that and give up my career, in the first place, but as I was transitioning into this role, I had an expectation of what it would be like. I would wake up, get the kids ready for the day, take a shower, make breakfast, etc. The first few months at home, Anaya was a newborn, so Glen and I were taking it on together. But two years in, I am still transitioning! I’m homeschooling!

When I was a teacher, I was really good at what I did. I walked in confidently and knew my students were going to be well-equipped. Now, as a stay-at-home mom homeschooling, I feel like I’m failing. It’s the first time in my life where I really feel like I’m not measuring up.

His Grace is Sufficient

I am a 3 on the Enneagram and it makes so much sense. Three’s are self-assured, charming, energetic, driven, diplomatic, but sometimes overly concerned with their image. They struggle with workaholism and competitiveness. At their best, they are confident in who they are, but their basic fear is that they will no longer be a success. These are true about me.

In this stay-at-home mom life, I am constantly reminding myself that The Lord’s grace is sufficient. No matter what life throws, His grace is sufficient. It is all I need. Scripture says, “For my power is perfected in weakness.”

⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Paul says he will BOAST about his weakness because it means God is strong! I think in my life, I needed to crush it and be strong. But really it was the grace of God that allowed me to do all these things I accomplished in the first place. His grace is enough. It is His power, not ours. People can control our surroundings, but not our perspective. Our inefficiency allows us to depend on His efficiency.

Grace is both vertical and horizontal. We can receive His grace vertically and extend grace to others horizontally. It is also internal when we give ourselves grace. Practice grace for yourself instead of perfection.

I pray that we will press into His power. You are fully known and loved by God. (Listen to Fully Known by Tauren Wells).