Episode 7: Yvette’s Need for Friends

On Facebook, I saw this post from Sister, I am with you!:

I think it was Brene Brown who told a story about a village where all the women washed clothes together down by the river. When they all got washing machines, there was a sudden outbreak of depression and no one could figure out why.

It wasn’t the washing machines in and of themselves . It was the absence of time spent doing things together. It was the absence of community.

Friends, we’ve gotten so independent.

We’re “fine” we tell ourselves even when in reality we’re depressed, we’re overwhelmed, we’re lonely, and we’re hurting. “We’re fine, we’re just too busy right now” we say when days, weeks, months, and years go by without connecting with friends. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s so easy to say even when it’s not true.

We’ve become so isolated and it’s hard to know how to get back. It’s so hard to know how to even begin to build the kind of relationships our hearts need. And I think In our current culture, it’s just not as organic as it once was. It’s more work now.

Because you know, we have our own washing machines. We don’t depend on each other to do laundry, or cook dinner, or raise babies anymore. We don’t really depend on each other for much of anything if we’re being honest.

In Brene Brown’s book Braving the Wilderness, she says that being lonely effects the length of our life expectancy similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I don’t say that to freak anyone out, but to let you know that the longing for connection is LEGIT. I think we’ve treated friendship like a luxury for far too long; friendship isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

We don’t want it. We kind of need it.

Be independent. Be proud of it. But be an independent woman who realizes the value and the importance of opening the door to other good women.

You can do it alone, but you don’t have to. Islands are only fun for so long.

There is true magic when women come together and hold hands and share ideas and share stories and struggles and endless bowls of salsa. You use your gifts, and I’ll use mine, and then we’ll invite that girl over there who brings a completely different set of skills to the table we are building, and we’ll watch together as something miraculous unfolds.

So I guess that’s why Amy and I started this page: because we believe there’s got to be a way to come back to each other. We know it can be hard, but we know for sure it’s worth it, and as always, we believe the sisterhood is big enough for all of us.

Thank you for taking this journey with us. We believe it’s an important journey. We believe it’s a good journey. We believe it’s a better journey.

We know we probably won’t change the whole world, but we sure hope we can change yours. We sure hope we can remind you that you’re never alone in this thing.

Friendship as Adults

There have been many times when I have wanted to connect with friends, but haven’t had the time. And when I see friends connecting without me, it causes loneliness and feelings of being left out. The story I tell myself is that I don’t need friends because I have my family and all these things, and I’m realizing I only tell myself that because I am avoiding feeling hurt and facing those emotions. The truth is that we need community. We sometimes see friendships as a luxury when it’s a necessity! We need friendships.

From the Beginning

From the beginning in the book of Genesis, God didn’t want us to be alone and connection is important. Even when we are married, it is so important for us to connect and have relationship with others. Loneliness is like smoking packs of cigarettes a day. It’s not good for you to be lonely!

No matter what is going on in your life or how busy your life is, you need community. Send a text message and let friends know you are thinking about them and care for them. Call them on the way to an appointment or pickup. My season may not permit for me to connect with them the way I used to or even want to, but that does not mean I am losing them as a friend, and I can connect in different ways. True friends will allow you to pick up where you left off once time better allows!

I’m learning not to shut people out and put in the work where I can. Be encouraged that if you have those handful of friends that you feel a lack of connection with, reach out! Just reach out!

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8