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I have a need to have measurable success.
Success has always been measurable to me: grades in school and reviews at my job. I’ve always been able to see exactly how I’m doing. But these days, that’s not the case. I find myself dissatisfied with where I’m at as a wife and mom because if I measured my success by my to-do list, I would not be measuring up. I compare myself to other women. But I realize I do not have the full picture of what others’ go through.
The story I’m telling myself is that if I’m doing better than another person, I’m doing great, and that’s not good. I talked to my mom, and she expressed how there was no “highlight reel” online and we didn’t know how everyone else was doing like we do now, and I wish that was my reality. The truth is, I could get rid of all the social media apps, but the #fomo would creep in, and I could come up with a million excuses to why I cannot get rid of the platforms I’m on. I just sometimes wish that I couldn’t see what everyone else was doing.
When I watch my husband’s videos sometimes, I am so focused on the upkeep of my house and not the moment that is being filmed. It’s exhausting and so the question becomes: How do I escape this?
In therapy, we discussed my desire to measure up and how we can measure in a more healthy way. We landed on coming up with S.M.A.R.T. goals.
For example, I can wake up early before my kids. It meets the S.M.A.R.T. criteria and helps me meet a goal in a healthier way. Another example could be fitness goals by eating healthier and moving my body. Focus on the beautiful things about the life I’m creating. My children know mom is a safe place. My daughter wants to be in my presence all the time, and even when it can be annoying, I’m fostering a relationship that’s deep and joyful.
Choose to focus on the good you’re doing well!
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”Zen Shin
Hey, hey! I'm Yvette!
I'm a thirty-four year old wife, mother of four, podcast host, and writer from San Diego, California. I'm a former math teacher turned stay-at-home parent and influencer with the unique opportunity to bring women into community with one another and encourage them in their seasons of life through my podcast, Yvette, Unplugged and my online community, Women, Unplugged.
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