After a week filled with shoots in LA, we came home to the news of how much this virus is affecting our world and our country. We’ve been self-quarantined for four weeks now, and it’s weird because I feel bad for Covid-19 affecting me. Honestly, not much has changed for us. I am home with the kids schooling them, just as I was before. My husband has always has the flexibility to work from home. It’s interesting to mourn how Covid has affected my life.
In therapy, I talked about how it feels off to say that Covid is affecting me when our life hasn’t changed like others’ lives have. We lost our nanny, and she greatly affected our day to day. But even that seems weird because so many people don’t have a nanny and have to do it by themselves. I lost my Mom’s group on Wednesday, and that was an outlet for me. It feels like more so than ever, that I am always on. The kids activities have all been cancelled, and our outlets are gone. It feels so weird to say.
I say all this to say if you’re like me, and you’re feeling bad because not much of your life has changed, it’s okay to feel this way. We’re all dealing with our own version of crisis (not that I’m necessarily in crisis) and experiencing this is different ways. What I’m struggling with most is allowing myself to feel what I feel.
Last week, I was hit hard when I found out that a friend’s dad died and another friend was hospitalized who is pregnant and recently diagnosed with cancer. I was hit real heavy with grief on the behalf of others. Thankfully, we haven’t taken a hit financially and there’s a roof over our heads. But why do I always have to compare what I’m going on to what’s going on with others? Why can I not just allow myself to feel what I feel?
What I know is that the Lord has blessed us to be home owners. He has blessed others with a more grandiose home, but we are both blessed and both are blessings. Someone else’s blessing doesn’t take away from my blessing.
The same applies with grief/mourning. Others grief does not take away from mine. This pandemic is still hitting us all. Anjuli says, “Stay awake to love.” Stay in tune with your emotions, sit with them, and process. What is it that God is trying to communicate to you in this feeling? What is He trying to grow? Here’s the thing: It may take one thing to grow perseverance in me, and another thing to grow it in you. It may take one thing to grow courage in me, and another thing to grow it in you. There are varying degrees of parenting each of us needs. I truly believe that God is using this time to grow something in each and every one of us, whether we know Him or not. He is using us who know Him as our Father, to plant seeds in our neighbor. Maybe I am not dealing with cancer on top of being pregnant and fighting a virus, but maybe that’s not what it takes for me to have grown whatever God is trying to grow in me.
Sit with your feelings. Acknowledge them. Don’t put them down and allow them to bubble to the surface and do what they are supposed to do. Our emotions have an assignment!
Don’t fake it until you make it, face it until you make it! I am reminded of Steven Furtick’s Sermon: I’m Still Scared, and that God did not answer Elisha’s prayer by eliminating the enemy, He illuminated His presence. The Lord knows my heart. His words have been what I’ve needed to get through it. As I pray for God’s protection from this virus, I am reminded of Steven Furtick’s words and reflection on Elisha. He may not eliminate the enemy, but He will illuminate His presence!
Hey, hey! I'm Yvette!
I'm a thirty-four year old wife, mother of four, podcast host, and writer from San Diego, California. I'm a former math teacher turned stay-at-home parent and influencer with the unique opportunity to bring women into community with one another and encourage them in their seasons of life through my podcast, Yvette, Unplugged and my online community, Women, Unplugged.
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